Tweens, Teens and Sex
How to speak with your Tweens and Teens about Sex and help them be aware.
Do you ever wonder what our kids are doing sexually and how much they really know? In a study by Liz Claiborne Inc. and www.loverespect.org of kids between 11 and 14, nearly half said they had a boyfriend or girlfriend and one in four said they had oral sex, or ‘going all the way’ is part of teen romance.
The parents view: Only 7% of parents surveyed in this study think their child has gone further than making out.
Speaking to your kids about sex is so delicate that some parents put it off, believing their child is too young. By the time they finally sit down to have the ‘Big Talk’ it turns out that their teens are already having sex, says Dr Mark Schuster, Chief of General Pediatrics at Children Hospital in Boston. The average age of first intercourse in the United States is 16, according to the center of disease control.
The good news is that there is plenty of evidence that kids whose parents do discuss sex with them are more cautious than their peers and more likely to put off sex.
Here are some talking sex tips:
Find the right moment find the right opening lines like while watching a movie and you see a couple kissing, during a love scene in a movie
Don’t be vague, be comfortable with the material that you are presenting
Anticipate the road blocks, ask open ended questions, know that your teen will want to avoid the conversation
Be a good listener; don’t lecture or interrupt once your child opens up
Relate sex and physical intimacy to love, and caring and respect for them
Teach strategies to manage sexual pressure; your daughter might not know that she can suggest the movies or a restaurant instead of lounging on a sofa without adult supervision. Help to set limits “no is no” a simple strategy of getting up to go to the bathroom can give her time to re group
Don’t be afraid to get down to specifics with your son or daughter if they are spending a lot of time with a boyfriend or girlfriend or if they are being sexually active
Make the conversation on going not once or twice, routinely be involved in their daily life and how they spend their free time
Anticipate the next stage of development
Talk to your children about their current stage-of-life and how their bodies change. An 8 year old girl is ready to learn about her menstrual cycle just as a boy is ready to hear about how his body is changing
Communicate your values
It is our responsibility to help your children understand what we expect from them
Talk to your child about the opposite sex
Some parents are not comfortable discussing the opposite sex with their child. You might be more comfortable if you have the father talk to his son and mother talk to her daughter
Don’t worry about knowing all the answers that your child might ask, if you can give the message that there are no question that they can ask that will create a platform, you have already accomplished your goal